“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.”
-Lisa Alther
*random image of Her Cuteness*
There are things that mothers are forced to say to their children that no sane person ever would. I’m not talking about the stereotypical mommyisms that every mother since the dawn of time has used . You know, like;
Starving kids in Africa would LOVE to eat your broccoli. Close the door - I'm not heating/cooling the neighborhood! Were you raised in a barn? If you cross your eyes, they'll freeze that way. This is going to hurt me a lot more than it will you. . . If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you too? You'll put your eye out with that thing!
Not those. In fact, I have yet to say ANY of those. . .
I’m talking about the random and utterly insane things that simply HAVE to be said when one is dealing with small people who really don’t have the faintest inkling of what is going on outside of their tiny peanut brains. Every once in a while I just have to stand back, shake my head, and think:
“Did I really just SAY that?!”
Yeah. . . I did. Totally. And these are just a very few – a very, very few of the insane kinds of things I say everyday to one or another of the many little people that surround me. . .
We do NOT sit on our FRIENDS!
Please don’t lick my water bottle. . .I’ve asked you before.
Well, we don’t scratch our hineys in public…
Don’t pour sand on your friend’s head!
DOGS kiss by licking – that doesn’t mean you should lick them back!
If it has wheels, it isn’t for standing on.
Sorry, hun – you have to keep your panties on.
Sweetie – I know you’re a dinosaur, but the baby doesn’t, and you’re scaring her.
Stop banging your head on the table!
You HAVE to wipe BEFORE you get off the potty… this is NOT up for a debate!
Come here if you want me to pick your wedgie!
Kitties lick their butts because they can’t take baths – it’s gross, don’t try it.
Licking the window does NOT make it cleaner…
I assure you, that kitty wants nothing to do with your play-doh.
STOP ROARING AT THE BABY – I’m NOT going to tell you again!
Don’t sit on the kitty, please. . . No. He is NOT a horse…
You can’t taste the ice-cream flavors by licking the glass on the display case. Plus its gross.
Stop yelling at the dog, she doesn’t even know how to jump rope!
I rescued you the first three times, if you get stuck under there again, you’re on your own.
You’re the very best frog that I’ve ever met in my life.
DO NOT bury your friend, she doesn’t like it.
Little girls don’t eat rawhide.
Why are you digging in your butt!???
If you don’t put your pants on, I’m not taking you to the store.
Fine. Eat the dog-food. It’s cheaper than cereal, and I doubt it’ll kill you.
Permalink
15 Comments
Huginn, Muninn, and me 