Nail clipper insanity. A recollection.

August 7, 2009 at 10:27 pm (pieces of me, reminiscence, whimsically silly)

“I haven’t lost my mind;
I know exactly where I left it.”

-unknown

I give up.
It appears as if God has decreed that I Shalt Not have baby finger-nail clippers.
I’ve always had a bit of a difficult time keeping the bigger ones around, its true – but baby clippies are far worse than any of the myriad lost-and-found items that live in my home.
They just . . . disappear. Every single bloody pair. . . vanish! Before my eyes, almost. Without a trace. I own at LEAST 10 of the tiny suckers, prolly more – but I simply can not find them. EVER.
I have been forced to allow poor baby T’s talons to grow far beyond the point of infantile (and maternal) safety, whilst I scour my universe for any one of my several thousand of the chopping devices that I am in ownership of. We’re talking hard-core-tear-the-house-apart leave-no-stone-unturned searching. To no avail. Ultimately, in a state of utter despair and defeat, I surrendered. Gave up. The score? Me – 0 Clippers – 3421
Having resigned myself to the fact that I was, in fact, being forced into purchasing yet another pair of the evil and viscous things, I took the ride of defeat to a local neighborhood pharmacy. . .
Naturally, the only such trimming device to be found upon their shelves was an over-priced baby nail-trimming set, complete with teensy scissors and an emery board (?!!). The clippers were cute, I’ll admit to it – with a bitty little bear printed on the bitty little handle. But superfluous, to be sure – coming in at a whopping $6.50. Please keep in mind that these things can be purchased sans decal and accessories for under .99 at a normal shop. But I was here. and I had come here for no reason aside from this very purchase. So, with gritted teeth and a vow that I would NEVER lose these I paid my price and brought my prize home, where it sat on the end-table overnight.
The next morning – yes! They were still there! Mightily encouraged by the fact that they had stayed put for 12 whole hours or so, I decided that the time for trimming was finally at hand. . .I got the babe, flipped the tube on to the Wonder Pets, and went to work. A few short minutes later – Wallah! Beautifully manicured baby-nails. I released my little monster and examined my new million-dollar clippers. The bear was cute. . .upon the discovery of a little loop on the tip, I came to the obvious conclusion that the thing to do would be to attach said clippers to my key chain (which also likes to walk away fairly regularly, but is always found after it tires of the game). I gently set said clippies on the table and walked across the room to get my keys. . .
. . .and . . .I. . .can’t. . .find. . .the. . .DAMN. . .clippers!!!

This was originally drafted by me and posted on a forum over a year ago, shortly after T’s first birthday in 2008. (Many thanks to my biggest fan for digging up the original thread from so long ago.)
The update?
I DID eventually manage to locate said clippers, and as evidenced by the above photo, was able to attach them to my keyring without further difficulty.
They remain there to this day.
I have yet to find any of the others that disappeared…it is a mystery.
Current score? Me – 1 Clippers – 3421

coming soon on Huginn, Munnin, and Me:
the nap-time chronicles
bubbles:tub-vs-air
defining curds n' whey
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6 Comments

  1. Alexis said,

    I remember this post from earlier. I am very glad you found them and still have the clippers. I seem to loose them, buy another pair, and then find the others that have been purchased. So, I have a pile of about 10 clippers in Tori’s bathroom now. It is great. What a waste of money 🙂

  2. YourbiggestFan said,

    I’m so glad that you STILL have that pair. Thank goodness that those clippers didn’t manage to cause your keys to disappear. And it was no problem locating that post for you…just took…oh…a bajillion hours! 😛

  3. grandapok said,

    As soon as you buy clippers, tue a shoelace to it and something big and ridiculous to the other end. I had to do that for my radiator keys. Ooh then keep tyeing the clippers you find to it, and you’ll have this awesome clipper string art thing, able to trim a horde of nails at once.

  4. Jenn said,

    I could say the same thing about socks! We have a sock monster–I have a brown bag FULL of socks waiting to find their mate!! Seriously, where in the world could ALL those socks go??

  5. Amy said,

    Love this post. We are always losing nail clippers in our house, too.

  6. Ki said,

    I’m sure that T doesn’t mind you losing nail clippers. She has plenty other “toys.” But the teddy is cute! I sometimes wonder what else you’ll end up attaching to your keys. Babies magically transform all aspects of daily living, evidently including what dangles over your knee whilst driving in the car.

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